of Timeout
I have read, the journal of the Cooperative Network, this contribution dr.Giovanni Gelmuzzi, president of the "Beyond us .... Life" Milan, taken from the conference "The legal protection. Lights and shadows in the application of Law 6 / 2004 "and it seemed to me the beautiful place of Parents Blog Tosti, as not only I agree with and reflected in his words, but I find it extremely interesting, especially for those parents who have a child in adulthood and have questions about the future. I also very pleased to read it later reflections and comments from readers.
LAW adults '
The task of each parent includes reaching the' autonomy of children. The child has the right to achieve an independent life as a result of the process of self-realization and independent living of the child is a legitimate aspiration of the parent in the forecast after us. A
after us that concerns all parents. Every parent has arranged to see her children. Only in this way happily spend his old age. Every parent has a child that does not depend on his care and his support, but goes its own way and maybe call him to pass on the commitment of the parent undertaking of his grandfather.
The parent who has a child has achieved in spite of non-self, perhaps for several years, the age of majority in the state remains a concern for this uncertainty is expected to continue in after us.
is the source of that state of anxiety that assails us when if the parent is unable to design, test and possibly to consolidate that which has, inevitably, will be the condition of possible autonomy of the child. The condition in which the child will have to live without parents.
networks of local services that have made possible over the last forty years of institutionalization, the network included the valuable services offered by the family, without providing for aging parents and the inadequacy, for the maturation of the child, the continuation of a life-dependent parent. " A child's life, perhaps fifty, with the parent, perhaps eighty years old, now exhausted of energy.
But this is the face of the problem considered from the perspective and experience of their parents. A perspective
still be considered unacceptable, but is a right that we make available the resources to create a path independent living for a disabled child, without continuing to demand payment for a service relief, on parents who themselves do not make it any more.
But there is also a pedagogical perspective.
a perspective that leads us to consider the problem posed by the right of a child, more or less suffers from disabilities to enter the size of his adult life. Unfortunately we are witnessing a generalized situation of custody to the family until the death of their parents, so that the child from birth to death of the parent will be forced to a life experience as a child, developing in him, therefore, only son of an identity, without any incentive to develop an identity of adult e le potenzialità di una vita indipendente. Una vita che possa realizzarsi in modo indipendente da quella protesi genitoriale nella quale facilmente si crea una identità simbiotica.
Quanti genitori sperimentano l’esistenza di capacità impensate nel figlio, in occasione di esperienze di vita condotta fuori casa; esperienze magari non programmate, ma determinate da cause di forza maggiore. Come potrà costruire un sé adulto per vivere la sua autonomia chi viene continuamente mantenuto nella esperienza di figlio?
Solo in quelle occasioni di esperienza di vacanza con la parrocchia o presso un servizio di educazione alla vita autonoma, il figlio si misura con una richiesta di organizzazione delle sue capacità di autonomia e con l’ambizione to prove that he can go it alone! In the everyday experience of family life, however, so rich in emotional support and responses to particular needs, but lacks this incentive to go it alone, to conquer space of self-sufficiency and autonomy to a size of an adult ego. With Mom and Dad also the son of forty years, remains in the daily experience of children cared for by loving parents who are doing their utmost to prevent his every need and sometimes prefer to do rather than to do, if only because doing so will lose less time.
be traumatic for her son who lived in the condition of "parent-employee", having to enter the dimension of life outside the home, and then assume the identity of only adult at the time of the disappearance of the family. Will be traumatic for him to be conducted in a dimension of independent living possible in the moment of maximum emotional and psychological fragility determined by the loss of a parent!
What would be better that the project experience of independent living was managed by their parents rather than a social service!
Services and support for the project independent life! The parent must be helped to design a route for a possible independent life for the child and must be helped psychologically to propose to his son the maturation of capabilities that make it more self-placing gradually out of this symbiosis is often favored by parents because of that feeling that he needed; the certainty that can never succeed alone. A feeling and a certainty that will inevitably come to terms with the consequences of the fact that the parent is aging and will still leave the child.
The parent must be helped in that "while we" can see "arranged" this son also. This task is included in the mission of the parent should not be postponed until after us and therefore managed by others.
And to help these parents with whom and what tools you have to intervene? The services and resources they need to make timely and effective response to this need del genitore e devono rispondere al bisogno, altrettanto legittimo, di consentire a un cittadino, ancor più se fragile, di organizzare la sua vita adulta.
Le normative, i servizi sociali, le risorse e spesso anche la cultura degli operatore ci sembra si basino sull’idea che il “dopo di noi” sia un problema da affrontare quando i genitori non ci saranno più.
Si prevedono interventi per il “dopo”, mentre occorre prevedere servizi del “durante” in previsione del “dopo”.
Si deve pensare a facilitare percorsi di vita autonoma per persone fragili che non potranno farcela da soli perché è un loro diritto e perché soli sono destinati a rimanere.
Giovanni Gelmuzzi
LAW adults '
The task of each parent includes reaching the' autonomy of children. The child has the right to achieve an independent life as a result of the process of self-realization and independent living of the child is a legitimate aspiration of the parent in the forecast after us. A
after us that concerns all parents. Every parent has arranged to see her children. Only in this way happily spend his old age. Every parent has a child that does not depend on his care and his support, but goes its own way and maybe call him to pass on the commitment of the parent undertaking of his grandfather.
The parent who has a child has achieved in spite of non-self, perhaps for several years, the age of majority in the state remains a concern for this uncertainty is expected to continue in after us.
is the source of that state of anxiety that assails us when if the parent is unable to design, test and possibly to consolidate that which has, inevitably, will be the condition of possible autonomy of the child. The condition in which the child will have to live without parents.
networks of local services that have made possible over the last forty years of institutionalization, the network included the valuable services offered by the family, without providing for aging parents and the inadequacy, for the maturation of the child, the continuation of a life-dependent parent. " A child's life, perhaps fifty, with the parent, perhaps eighty years old, now exhausted of energy.
But this is the face of the problem considered from the perspective and experience of their parents. A perspective
still be considered unacceptable, but is a right that we make available the resources to create a path independent living for a disabled child, without continuing to demand payment for a service relief, on parents who themselves do not make it any more.
But there is also a pedagogical perspective.
a perspective that leads us to consider the problem posed by the right of a child, more or less suffers from disabilities to enter the size of his adult life. Unfortunately we are witnessing a generalized situation of custody to the family until the death of their parents, so that the child from birth to death of the parent will be forced to a life experience as a child, developing in him, therefore, only son of an identity, without any incentive to develop an identity of adult e le potenzialità di una vita indipendente. Una vita che possa realizzarsi in modo indipendente da quella protesi genitoriale nella quale facilmente si crea una identità simbiotica.
Quanti genitori sperimentano l’esistenza di capacità impensate nel figlio, in occasione di esperienze di vita condotta fuori casa; esperienze magari non programmate, ma determinate da cause di forza maggiore. Come potrà costruire un sé adulto per vivere la sua autonomia chi viene continuamente mantenuto nella esperienza di figlio?
Solo in quelle occasioni di esperienza di vacanza con la parrocchia o presso un servizio di educazione alla vita autonoma, il figlio si misura con una richiesta di organizzazione delle sue capacità di autonomia e con l’ambizione to prove that he can go it alone! In the everyday experience of family life, however, so rich in emotional support and responses to particular needs, but lacks this incentive to go it alone, to conquer space of self-sufficiency and autonomy to a size of an adult ego. With Mom and Dad also the son of forty years, remains in the daily experience of children cared for by loving parents who are doing their utmost to prevent his every need and sometimes prefer to do rather than to do, if only because doing so will lose less time.
be traumatic for her son who lived in the condition of "parent-employee", having to enter the dimension of life outside the home, and then assume the identity of only adult at the time of the disappearance of the family. Will be traumatic for him to be conducted in a dimension of independent living possible in the moment of maximum emotional and psychological fragility determined by the loss of a parent!
What would be better that the project experience of independent living was managed by their parents rather than a social service!
Services and support for the project independent life! The parent must be helped to design a route for a possible independent life for the child and must be helped psychologically to propose to his son the maturation of capabilities that make it more self-placing gradually out of this symbiosis is often favored by parents because of that feeling that he needed; the certainty that can never succeed alone. A feeling and a certainty that will inevitably come to terms with the consequences of the fact that the parent is aging and will still leave the child.
The parent must be helped in that "while we" can see "arranged" this son also. This task is included in the mission of the parent should not be postponed until after us and therefore managed by others.
And to help these parents with whom and what tools you have to intervene? The services and resources they need to make timely and effective response to this need del genitore e devono rispondere al bisogno, altrettanto legittimo, di consentire a un cittadino, ancor più se fragile, di organizzare la sua vita adulta.
Le normative, i servizi sociali, le risorse e spesso anche la cultura degli operatore ci sembra si basino sull’idea che il “dopo di noi” sia un problema da affrontare quando i genitori non ci saranno più.
Si prevedono interventi per il “dopo”, mentre occorre prevedere servizi del “durante” in previsione del “dopo”.
Si deve pensare a facilitare percorsi di vita autonoma per persone fragili che non potranno farcela da soli perché è un loro diritto e perché soli sono destinati a rimanere.
Giovanni Gelmuzzi
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